My Healing Journey: The Winding Path of What Worked and What Didn't
We all have our stories of healing—the methods we've tried, the practices we've abandoned, and the surprising discoveries that changed everything. My journey has been anything but linear, filled with both profound breakthroughs and sobering realizations. Today, I'm sharing what worked for me, what didn't, and what I learned along the way.
The Numbing Years: Alcohol, Drugs, and Parties
Living in Hamburg marked the beginning of what I now recognize as my avoidance phase. I fell into a pattern of drinking alcohol, smoking cigarettes, and losing myself in mainstream hip-hop parties. This wasn't healing—it was numbing. The more I drank, the more disconnected I became from myself, engaging in behaviors that only deepened my wounds: casual hookups that left me feeling empty, binge eating followed by purging, and a general sense of being adrift.
It wasn't until techno culture, LSD, and ketamine entered my life that something shifted. While I wouldn't recommend this as a healing path, it did serve as my awakening. The experiences sparked curiosity about myself and the world around me. I became a seeker—though an ungrounded one (literally losing significant weight in the process). These substances didn't heal me, but they cracked open the door that had been sealed shut, allowing me to glimpse possibilities beyond my patterns of numbness.
The Ceremonial Phase: Plant Medicine
My first ayahuasca ceremony was nothing short of transformative. It gave me something I'd been desperately searching for: purpose and clarity, alongside an unexpected flood of joy and optimism. The ceremonies that followed in subsequent years provided depths of healing I hadn't dared hope for. My journeys to the jungle remain some of the most profound healing experiences of my life.
But over time, the impact began to change. The rose-colored glasses came off, and I started noticing the limitations of this work. I saw people who participated in dozens of ceremonies yet remained fundamentally unchanged in how they treated others—even those closest to them. I watched as some of the most medicine-experienced individuals seemed paradoxically disconnected from their basic humanity.
And then came the hardest part: realizing I had fallen into this pattern myself. Despite all the medicine work, certain problems kept recurring in my life. I had to confront the uncomfortable truth that spiritual experiences alone weren't enough. The real work was bringing what I received in ceremony back to earth—integrating insights into daily life rather than constantly seeking the next spiritual high.
The Physical Temple: Diet and Fitness
When I committed to transforming my physical health through diet and exercise, the benefits were undeniable. Creating a healthy vessel is foundational for any spiritual path—this became crystal clear as my energy levels increased and many physical symptoms subsided.
Yet there was a ceiling to this approach. The same addictive patterns I'd always had with food eventually resurfaced, just in different forms. I discovered I couldn't simply exercise my way out of deeply ingrained emotional patterns. The body was responding beautifully to better treatment, but the underlying drivers of my behavior remained largely untouched.
Star-Guided Healing: Astrology
Astrology remains one of my favorite healing modalities to this day. There's something profoundly validating about seeing your experiences reflected in your natal chart—understanding your challenges and gifts as part of a larger cosmic blueprint rather than random misfortune or luck.
However, I've learned that astrology works best when there's already been some clearing of trauma and conditioning. Without addressing your imprints first, it can be difficult to fully embody and integrate the wisdom your chart reveals. Knowledge without embodiment creates interesting insights but limited transformation.
The Game-Changer: Trauma Work
When I talk about trauma work, I'm not referring to traditional talk therapy. What revolutionized my healing was emotion-led trauma work that methodically addressed each chakra. This approach allowed me to intentionally go deep—without plant medicine—and actually resolve patterns I'd been struggling with for years.
The results were undeniable: real-life changes manifested quickly as I released blockages that had been holding me back. Unlike some other modalities, this work directly addressed the root causes rather than just managing symptoms or providing temporary insights.
Beyond Spiritual Bypassing: Coaching and Mentorship
For years during my plant medicine phase, I developed what I now recognize as a form of spiritual elitism. I only accepted teachers who worked with plant medicine, believing they were the only ones worth learning from. Looking back, I was somewhat brainwashed into thinking that medicine work was the only legitimate path to healing or enlightenment.
Letting go of this belief was liberating. It opened doors to incredible coaches and mentors I would have previously dismissed. I realized that no teacher is perfect, but different people can offer unique teachings for different phases of your journey. Since embracing this more inclusive approach to learning, my growth has accelerated in ways I couldn't have imagined.
The Ultimate Teacher: Motherhood
Nothing—and I mean nothing—has been as healing for me as motherhood. It's brutally grounding and brings up absolutely everything I've tried to avoid facing. There's nowhere to hide when you're responsible for another human being who mirrors your patterns back to you with unflinching clarity.
I'm profoundly grateful that I did significant inner work before becoming a mother. Having tools to reflect on myself and address unconscious patterns has made all the difference in this chapter of life. Without that foundation, I can only imagine how much more challenging this journey would be.
Where I've Landed: Supporting Other Mothers
One of my core missions now is supporting mothers and mothers-to-be in their healing journeys. I believe this work is crucial—not just for women individually, but for breaking generational cycles of trauma. Whatever healing we do before and during motherhood directly impacts our children. The work we avoid becomes their inheritance, the patterns they'll need to unravel.
This understanding makes trauma work both more urgent and, in some ways, easier. When we recognize that our healing isn't just for ourselves but for those who come after us, it provides powerful motivation to face what's difficult. Breaking generational patterns of pain is possible, but it requires conscious effort and courage.
Final Reflections
Looking back at my winding path, I'm grateful for each step—even the missteps—because they've led me here. The journey hasn't been perfect or linear, but it's been profoundly educational. I've learned that healing isn't about finding one perfect solution but about creating a personalized toolkit of practices that address different dimensions of our experience.
I've also learned to be gentler with myself about the time it takes. Some wounds heal quickly; others require years of patient attention. Some healing modalities work wonderfully for a season, then naturally give way to others as we evolve.
Wherever you are in your healing journey, I hope sharing mine provides some insight or validation. The path isn't always clear, but with each conscious step, we move closer to wholeness—not just for ourselves, but for all whose lives we touch.